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In 1982 a young college drop-out named Bill Gates made the world a far more boring place by inventing the desktop computer. Using a clunky platform tediously named Windows, he proceeded to gather other dull, like-minded sheep to breathe in his lack of imagination and so the world was indoctrinated into the Microverse.
Years of shrieking dulldom followed until God bequeathed us another Apple. This one was a blessing, however, and creative people everywhere rejoiced. The luminous being, Steven P. Jobs, introduced his Macintosh after years of consideration of design, intuition, Zen and rainbows. The Mac became the diamond cutter for the opaque Windows and life began again.
The simple man, Bill Gates, for how could anyone named “Bill” be anything but, continued on. He convinced corporations with little or no vision to adopt his common goal of eventually having us all dress in the sort of futuristic uniforms all the futuristic movies have us dress in. And the Windows platform would help. By being clunky and argumentative the desktop would slowly drain our brains and that dog from Outlook would be revealed as the great Satan that he is.
Meanwhile the Imac brought color and love into the Microverse for how could anyone not love a computer in the color of tangerines? It would even spark a vibrant color movement as all things became colorful including the George Forman Lean Mean Grilling Machine™. The Imac then drew in an angel called the Internet and they would dance and play and watch cat videos with no danger of catching the STDs of the web that plagued the coyote ugly VAIO. Eventually Itunes would sing us to sleep and the Iphone would really call us in the morning. Our laps would be warm and snuggly and loved by the Macbook and the Cloud would never rain on us but be always in the shape of a bear with a balloon.
The man Gates with his female, Melinda, would see the error of their ways. But being afraid to anger corporate America and be exposed as the backdoor of the Greed Is Good virus that caused the recession of 2008 by allowing the download of Jessica Simpson music videos he and she have been making amends by giving trash bags of money to anyone with a cold or landmines.
God would call back his son, Steven, as his work here was done and another galaxy far, far away needed to shoot Greedo first. And so his legacy will live on as whenever two or more GenYs are gathered in his name so shall they watch Ok Go videos and ask their mothers for more pizza rolls. Amen.